A happy marriage requires firm courage
 

BY WORKU BELACHEW
 

“A great marriage is not made when the 'perfect couple' come together. Rather it is made real when imperfect couples learn enjoying their differences.”
 

Are you married or do you have a plan to get married? In either category you fall, keep the above excerpt, which this writer hardly remembers who the author is, in your heart. It is apparent that couples could never be a perfect mate but need to be the right mate to lead a victorious married life. 

 As many of great psychologists have already proven it, individual differences exist, a normal process of course, that can be noticeable in various ways: in terms of intelligence, perception, choice of color or whatsoever. But the most important strand that binds any given couple together looks like appreciating these differences and enjoying life.
 

Ato Assefa Abebe, 90, and W/o Beyenech Tafese, 84, seem to have well understood the above fact. They have led a contented family life for the past 70 years and recently celebrated their Platinum Jubilee at their own home in Adama town of Oromia state ---where they gave birth to and raised their children - escorted by their 14 children and 26 grandchildren. 

   Mrs. Beyenech and Mr. Assefa
 

“I did not think that I would hit 70 years of married life. This is the blessing of God indeed,” says the old man, Assefa, providing,  his wife, Beyenech, who is relatively younger than him and rather a little bit shy, with a tantalizing smile. “We raised more than 14 children. And all our attention was enticed in raising our kids; we never value tiny clashes though they are inevitable.  Though minor ups and downs are inescapable, we used to settle them quickly,” Ato Assefa added.

The 20 year handsome youngster, Assefa, had not got his wife on his own interest for the tradition did not allow him to do so. Traditionally, the bridegroom's parents search for a bride to their son. Before they make any contact with the bride's parents they investigate well about her parent’s character hand in hand with the effort to find the manner of the girl. Not only do bridegroom's parents look into the bride's family background in case they relate by blood, they also research back to seven genealogical series so as to avoid marriage inconveniences between far relatives. 
In fact, this was not a headache for Assefa's parents as his and the bride's parents used to have closer relations even ahead of the marriage. But, according to the tradition, his

parents should negotiate with the bride's parents through Mediator locally called 'Shimagille'. This was done in 1942. “Her parents did not complain about the request. “They accepted our marriage and the wedding was prepared accordingly, ” remembers Assefa. And he has got married to the 14 year girl, little Beyenech.
“We have led a joyful life together. We also gave birth to our first child and continued,” narrated Assefa.  He had first lived in countryside found in North Shoa. As there was no school available in his locality that time, he was forced to move to another place to educate his kids. Finally, his destination was made Nazareth, sometimes called Adama. He said, “I have accomplished my plan, all my children are well educated.” And he passes his advice saying “The way my wife and I have led our family has been  exemplary. Hence, my children are also leading a happy life with their spouses and kids. Therefore, other married couples can draw important lessons and model our life to make a good use of it.”
Among some of the ups and downs the couple has passed through the predominant one is the story of their missed son due to the political situation of the early 70’s. They said that son of ours belonged to a political party called   Ethiopian People's Revolutionary Party (EPRP). “And I do not know what had happened to him but I did not see him for the last 39 years.  I do not know whether he is died or alive. Anyway, thanks to God, I raised the other children safely,” Assefa elucidated.
 

Professor Abebayehu Assefa, 70, the oldest son of the couple- remembers how his parents raised him. “When I was a student at Atse Gelawdios primary school in Nazreth, I used to have a small room in our premises.  And my parents did not even take a minute from my schedule let alone assigning me to various works as the children of my time. They even put my meal through the small room’s window, no one entered my room. They used to say ‘He is busy. He has a lot to study.’” 
Due to that, I gave full attention to my education. It is all because of my parents wholeheartedly exerted efforts to see my success through pursuing my education. Hence, I joined Addis Ababa University, Faculty of Technology and studied engineering, and then went to Britain and Germany for my M.A and PhD respectively. Now he is rendering service for his country in various ways. He has taught at Addis Ababa University, Institute of Technology for over 30 years.
 

 According to the professor, he could hardly remember even a single day when his father and mother did bitterly quarrel. His parents raised all their 14 biological kids and another four kids who are their relatives peacefully. “It is rather a surprise; they used to manage to lead all of us via a workable life avenue.” He said adding that all of them are now married and leading a happy family life which they have taken as a model from their parents.
Of course, that is the result of a stable family which everyone needs to learn from, according to their youngest son Dr. Eremias Assefa.  He says, “My parent's married life can be a model for many newly or existing married couples. Hard as it might be to believe, they have lived peacefully for the last 70 years. This is not easy. As witnessed time and again, for many it is even hard to live for months. The long time life bond is purely a result of tolerance, love and respect one offers the other.”
The platinum jubilee was prepared in the house where they raised their children due to a strong push from Dr. Ermias and his brothers and sisters' keen support for his proposal. He explained why he came up with such an idea, “This is an exemplary couple's life for all youngsters in our country and outside. Therefore, it adds value for anyone who sees and hears about this story. We invited a crew of journalists from local and international media as we would like it to be broadcast.” 
 

Ermias was born during the revolution and also nick named as Sharew which means “call off” they call it. It shows that  his parents seem not to be happy with the Military Junta's coming to power, the name Sharew shows their wish that the regime shall no more exist, as was explained during the ceremony. Now this child has grown to a full man and he is the one in charge of well managing his parent’s belongings as well as in taking care of them.  
W/o Mena Tessema, close friend of the couple, is another witness to the couple's exemplary life: “If one models their life, they can build a good family.”  She remembers no day  that she and her husband mediate them, traditionally when conflicts arise between spouses local elders called 'Shimagelle', take the case and advice the two parties to settle  the matter using various means. She said, “I remember no day that Assefa and Beyenech could not settle clashes on their own. As a result, not even a case of the couple went to Shimagille, they have quietly led a contented and victorious family.” She also said that anyone that follows their footsteps would be fruitful. Conflicts are not a big deal but couples need to respect one another to settle it within not time.  
Lessons for the generation
 

Without a shadow of doubt, family is a basis for the building of a affluent nation. In this regard, Girma Challa, 43, who came to celebrate his parent-in-law platinum Jubilee from USA says, “First of all, youngsters need to pursue their education before they leap into relationships---marriage tie this means. Then it is wise to patiently investigate the conduct of someone they want to marry.” He also emphasizes on the importance of tolerance and appreciating differences after marriage. Couples need to be rational than emotional when they settle conflicts. It is also clear that family is a base for future life of their kids.  My wife and I have twin sisters and I also hope that we will repeat my children's grandparents’ legacy.
Such iconic families are rare.   In most cases the modern life brings some of its weak sides. Most courts are busy in processing divorce in Addis Ababa, for instance. If it is to build a strong nation, the base is a family. A stable family is a fertile soil from which productive society emerges. The life of the above couples clearly signifies this fact. Their children are also contributing to the effort of building a strong nation.
 

A stable family can well nurture children who shape the future of our nation.  The way Assefa and Beyenech raised their children makes this assertion a true one. On the contrary, some families lead their children to a wrong direction. They do not guide their children to focus on their education like Assefa and his wife. The writer of this story once produced an article titled 'Misusing technology'. One instance that shows how some people are wrongly shaping kids had been mentioned as follows: “Many parents take it as they are nice to their kids when they make various TV channels available at their home and when their kids have their own cell phones. That is not a harm in itself.  But proper guidance is mandatory. Most of the TV channels they are allowed to watch broadcast movies on a 24 hour basis that absolutely compete children’s study time.  In addition, most of the movies are not appropriate to the age of the kids. By the same token, kids also download and exchange pornographic videos and pictures via cell phones. Following this trend kids are heading to a wrong way.” 
Making a stable family life and leading kids on the right track would pay off much to parents themselves and for the nation as well as it has been witnessed from Assefa and Beyenech’s experience.
 

Wonderful cake or text?

 

A cake that was to be had upon the platinum jubilee of the couple carries a text in Ethiopic script –the artistic style of the characters is important in orthodox church called Yeakum Tsehuf-----may be paraphrased as: To Mrs. Beyenech Tafesse and Ato Assefa Abebe, have a blissful 70th  Platinum Jubilee. Most Ethiopian tradition dictates that Male names go before that of female when formally addressing any couple. As can be seen from the paraphrase, however, the female’s name scripted first could be a bizarre for most readers who live in the context of Ethiopian traditions. Conversely, the practice may show that our society is progressing towards avoiding the practice that undermines women equality. The text wonders this writer, hopefully the cake would also be delicious.
Couple shapes twins vision
 

A June 16 photo shows The Girma twin sisters, Bezawit (L) and Bethlehem (R), who have come from USA to jubilate their grandparent’s platinum. Bezawit expressed her grandparents as “wonderful for raising their kids properly.” She has ambition to build a happy family but after completing her education. Similarly, Bethlehem who is  ten minutes elder than Beza also says she wants to pursue her education and choose the right mate for her to lead a happy life like her grandparents. According to The Girma twins, their grandparent’s exemplary lesson has helped them have a joyous life in their family as their parents also follow the footsteps of Ato Assefa and W/o Beyenech. The twin sisters emphasized on the importance to make relationships after getting done colleges or universities. Being in a relationship before that would not be a success for it competes time and it is hard to be rational, they uttered. Bezawit and Bethlehem have a  wonderful dream of being a high profile intellectuals academically and exemplary couples with counterparts after completing their education.